Inspired

After my last post, things got much worse for me before they got better. But I am happy and grateful to say that some light is shining through in the room of darkness that I have been. Through tough love, self talks, and a miraculous wave of inspiration, I am brave enough to admit that I have been locking myself in that room and no one else. Imagine, choosing to sit in a pitch black room, wallowing, and letting life go by when all you needed to do was get off your ass open up the fucking door. Mental health is real. I am not invalidating the experiences that I have had or will have. But I made the biggest mistake when it comes to my mental health, I let it define me and I let it become me. I saw myself as nothing more than my struggles. Through that, I saw the world as a place that lacks abundance, happiness, and beauty. I became jealous of others’ happiness. I was angry that they could be happy, really happy, while I was simply doing my best to pretend. I lied to myself when I told myself that real happiness doesn’t involve real pain or real struggle. I lied to myself when I said that I could truly live life while simultaneously holding onto a life’s worth of pain, guilt, grudges, and hatred. I skirted around the idea of confrontation and tried to convince myself that these problems would just go away. But I am not doing that any more. I am making a vow to be honest to myself and to others. I am giving myself the tough love I deserve. I am acknowledging that the only person who ever truly got in the way of me being happy was myself and what I allowed to enter and stay in my life. I deserve to treat myself better than that. It is time that I rediscover who the hell I am; the strong, smart, confident, outspoken, hard-working, driven, independent, BEAUTIFUL, boss bitch I am. Truthfully, I don’t even know who that girl is anymore. But I can’t wait to meet her again. No more throwing pity parties for myself. It’s time to celebrate the one life I have been given and make the most of it. All glory to the Most High for opening my eyes.